When it’s Time, My Sport Does Not Define Me | October 2023 Edition

As I reflect on my life, I realize how many goodbyes I've had to say. But this particular goodbye feels different - it's beautiful in its own unique way. Swimming has been a part of my identity for as long as I can remember. People recognized me as a prodigy swimmer even in elementary school, and I looked up to my Alma mater's swimmer alum who still holds many records. I always wanted to break her record, but even though I didn't, I am proud of what I accomplished and the mark I made in my school's history.

My decision to try to get recruited and to continue swimming in college was made without much thought - I simply said I wanted to swim and began searching without truly understanding the magnitude of the commitment. It wasn't until I saw the rigorous and intense training required by my college's division one swim program that I began to realize what my wish could have gotten myself into. However, looking back, I have no regrets. I sometimes ponder why I did not choose to pursue a swimming career in college - was it out of fear of letting go or perhaps uncertainty about saying goodbye?

I remember on January 16th at 11:56 am, when I reached out to one of my swimming friends seeking advice on when to throw in the towel for swimming. Their response resonated deep within me as they simply knew when the time had come. When a sport that used to bring immense joy starts to bring unhappiness and negatively impacts one's mental well-being, it begins to feel like a chore rather than a passion. While taking a break might seem like a solution, and for some, it works, there arrives a moment when you have this realization, deep down inside, that it is time to let go. Fear and uncertainty were perhaps the underlying reasons behind my hesitation to do so.

It's important to accept that everything has a beginning and an end, and there is indeed a time where we may find clarity and a sense of gratefulness to let go. As I look back on my first two months of freshman year of college, there were definitely some challenging moments. From natural disasters to false alarms and personal conflicts, it was a tough ride. I also struggled with feeling disconnected from my beloved swim community. But through that adversity, I've gained some insights that I'd like to share. One of the most valuable lessons I learned and would like to emphasize was that true friendships don't happen overnight or even in a few months. While I met some great people during my orientation week, it took time for relationships to deepen and grow into something truly meaningful. Looking to the future and listening to the words of my mentors, I hope it is indeed true that the best friendships often form during the latter half of your college experience, so it's important to stay open and patient as you navigate your way forward.

As I sit here, thinking back on my years spent in the pool, my heart fills with warmth and gratitude. Swimming has been a defining part of my life, teaching me valuable lessons and fostering discipline and focus. It's brought me not only physical but emotional strength, and a community I hold dear. In time and through introspection, I've come to realize that sometimes saying goodbye isn't a sad thing, but a necessary step towards growth. Because when you genuinely love something, it never truly leaves you. It becomes an integral part of your identity. Although bidding farewell may feel difficult, the memories and experiences garnered from the sport will endure eternally. And when that moment comes, you'll know it deep in your core - for me, it was a lightness in your step, a brightness in the world, a sense of freedom from the weight you've carried.

After some thought, I've decided to step back from swimming for a bit. As a lifeguard at the pool and someone who assists at swim meets, I've been pretty involved in the sport. But recently, I had the chance to help set up a meet and it was a really refreshing experience. Seeing the sport from a different angle gave me a newfound appreciation for it - I now have a deeper admiration for the hard work it takes to compete at such a high level.

But remember, when you truly love something, especially a sport, you never really have to say goodbye. It sticks with you always in a way that lasts forever.